


You Will Forever Stand Alone

by captainofthefallen



Category: Star Wars Legends: Knights of the Old Republic
Genre: Character Death, F/M, Gray Revan, dark side ending but not quite
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-29
Updated: 2017-05-29
Packaged: 2018-11-06 13:55:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11037561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainofthefallen/pseuds/captainofthefallen
Summary: "Perhaps [Revan] became the dark lord out of necessity, to prevent a greater evil." -KreiaThe dark side ending, based on some speculation about the above quote, and including the cut version of the ending with the Carth romance.





	You Will Forever Stand Alone

**Author's Note:**

> Title comes from something Malak says to Revan: “You belong to neither the light nor the darkness. You will forever stand alone.” I wrote this, as one does, in a text message at around midnight because I wanted to give my roommate feels. It comes from two things: an exploration of Revan choosing the dark side ending without being wholly evil (inspired by Kreia's quote in the summary) and the cut dark side ending with the Carth romance.

She’s not evil. 

She’s not evil. 

She’s not evil. She knows that. At least, she’s pretty sure she knows that. 

Pretty sure is not enough to erase the look on his face. 

Pretty sure is not enough to bring him back.

She takes a deep breath and boxes it all in. She’s not evil. None of them understood. And _they_ were the ones who tried to kill _her._

_You should have run_ , she thinks with a small pang that marks the beginnings of regret, and then she stamps it down. She made her choice. They all did. 

But she’s the one who has to live with the consequences. 

It doesn’t matter anymore, she tells herself. They’re dead, and he’s gone, and now all that’s left is her and the galaxy. 

Her, and the galaxy, and her best friend. 

She knows they can’t destroy the Star Forge. If Bastila thinks they’re serving the dark side, taking over the galaxy, whatever it is she thinks they’re doing, then so be it. Let her think what she wants. 

But Revan, she’s learning, always had notions greater than those of light and dark. There are more important things to worry about. A bigger threat. 

She doesn’t know what it is. She doesn’t remember. But she’s the only one who even has an inkling. And the Star Forge might be the galaxy’s only chance to survive it. 

She’s not evil. She’s just doing what has to be done. 

Mission’s face in her mind’s eye, frozen at the moment the girl begged her not to do this, says otherwise. The pleading in her eyes. The disappointment in Jolee’s. The desperation in Zaalbar’s and Juhani’s. The betrayal in Carth’s. 

She shuts it all down, then, because she has to. If there’s one thing Revan is good at, she’s learning, it’s doing what needs to be done. 

So they tell the Republic Carth is dead. And they board the Star Forge, but not to destroy it. 

She can feel the darkness there. It doesn’t concern her. She has larger concerns. Revan always had larger concerns. 

Malak, though. Malak tried to consume the darkness. And in turn, it consumed him. 

She doesn’t feel evil, or dark, or any of that. In the moment, she just feels… sad. Because whatever he became… he was her friend. 

She wonders if she could have made him understand. That darkness wasn’t their goal, that they needed to stay above that conflict. That ultimately their aim was to protect. 

She doesn’t know. It probably doesn’t matter. But she still wonders. 

Somehow, she’s not surprised to see Carth, here at the end. She wishes he’d stayed away. She wishes he hadn’t loved her. 

It would have made everything so much easier. 

But he’s here, and he’s looking at her in that way he has, and she can already feel cracks forming in her walls of _it has to be done._

Because of course her one weakness had to be someone who loved her so much he’d chase her into hell itself. 

“I love you,” he says. And he means it. Still. After everything. Even after he believes she’s gone and sided with evil, he still loves her. Another crack fractures through the wall of her carefully constructed defense. 

“You may not love me, you may not love anything anymore now that you’ve gone over to the dark side–" 

Not true. The dark side, or the loving bit. She’s doing this _because_ she loves them. The Republic. The galaxy. And because, if Malak is any example to go by, she may be the only one who can use the Star Forge without losing control. 

”–but I believe that there’s still some part of you that I can reach. There’s a part that believes in… in hope. And mercy. And love. And that part knows that it will soon be gone forever.“ 

….is he right? If she goes through with this, if she takes the Star Forge, if she conquers the Republic to save it… 

She might not be evil, but she’s been down this path before. And this path is a cold and lonely place. She does what has to be done, but… 

Revan never wondered if the price was too high. Revan never made any apologies for what she did. But she… she’s different now. And she _is_ wondering. 

Bastila’s there, then, and she’s trying to be all tough and dark side and she sounds so much like Malak did, before he had any real blood on his hands, back when he still acted like they were Padawans playing at soldiers. 

Revan would have done what had to be done. Revan would have killed him where he stood, because he was her weakness, and she couldn’t afford weakness. 

Revan never would have loved him in the first place. 

But she’s not Revan. So she lets him speak. 

End this here. Kill Bastila, and the Republic can destroy the Star Forge. And both of them along with it. 

Tactically it makes no sense. To lose two such valuable assets in one go… so why is she considering it? 

He’s not wrong when he calls the Star Forge evil. She’d have to be Force blind not to feel it. And in the wrong hands… well, look what Malak did with it. If someone could get the better of her again… is it really worth the risk? 

She realizes after a moment that she’s almost trying to reason with Revan. With the part of her that still is Revan. But she–they–both she and Revan know the reason. The real reason. 

She can’t kill Carth. And Revan would have thought that maybe he knows that, and he’s using it against her, but she doesn’t believe it. 

Because she can see the raw emotion in his eyes, and for better or for worse, she knows Carth. At this point, she knows him better than she knows herself. 

She thinks maybe he knows her better than she knows herself too. 

"If you don’t, all you have is… is emptiness and darkness." 

He’s not wrong. She’s been down this path before. She knows how it ends. Or rather, how it doesn’t. 

"You don’t want that. _Please_ don’t want that. Stay. Let’s end this now. Together." 

And Force help her, but his fists are clenched at his sides like he’s fighting his every instinct just to keep from reaching for her, and she just _breaks_. And that wall shatters into so many useless shards.

Because she’s not Revan. And she does love him. And she can’t walk Revan’s path again. Not alone. 

If there’s another way, someone will find it. For her… this is all there is. 

Bastila doesn’t see it coming. She’s so confident in the power of the dark side, so sure that Revan has been seduced by its power just like the rest of them, so utterly certain that she can’t turn away. 

But she’s wrong. And then she’s dead. 

She closes her eyes, deactivating her lightsaber slowly as she thinks of all the lives she’s taken, trying to do what had to be done. 

"I’m sorry.” It’s half a whisper, more of a quiet plea than anything, and then his arms are around her and she feels she’s done the right thing. 

Maybe there is no right thing. Maybe the galaxy is doomed. But he’s with her, and he loves her, and he believed in her enough to follow her here and risk his own life. 

No, not risk. Sacrifice. And with that thought she pulls away enough to look him in the eye. “You could still save yourself,” she reminds him quietly. 

The look he gives her breaks her heart all over again. “There’s no point. There’s no place I’d rather be than here.” He takes her in his arms again, holding her close, and murmurs into her hair, “You’re very brave to make the decision you did. I… I love you. You know that, right?" 

"I love you too.” Her voice is barely a whisper, muffled against his chest, but as his arms tighten around her, she knows he heard. 

There, at the end of the universe, it’s all that matters.


End file.
